Your car is still a piece of crap.

Where I come from, we call crappy, dilapidated cars "beaters". Apparently, in CA, they are known as "hoopdies". Whatever you call it, this rant is for all you drivers of cars nearing death, who still try to "pimp your ride".
If you drive around an 86 Buick with a missing bumper, a rusty paint job, and more dents than Ray Liotta's face, do you REALLY think that adding 20 inch rims is going to make your car look hot? No, dumb ass, it makes the shit level of your car INCREASE. Because 1) Gigantic rims are the dumbest thing ever. Sure, SOMETIMES they look good...on NICE, new cars. But they are a stupid investment. They're expensive, and you go through all sort of trouble and then if you hit one bad bump on the freeway...they're done for. Stupid. And 2) Adding something expensive looking to something that looks like it drove through LA during the street riots, then took a salt bath, then was used as a toy in the lion pen at the Zoo, just draws attention to your cars flaws. It's like a really, really ugly person dying their hair platinum blond. It'll catch your eye, but then you look further and it will burn your retinas with its grotesque-ness. So add flashy trinkets to your "beater" all you want...it's STILL a dilapidated piece of crapola.

And while we're on this topic, if you ARE one of the lucky few people out there who can afford to have a really nice vehicle, why do you feel the need to get a vanity plate telling the world what kind of car you drive? I can see that you are driving a BMW, Mr. Arrogant Ass, I do not need to read your license plate that says "MyBeemr" to figure that out. OR, even better, Ms. Stuck Up Snob, who needs to let us know that she only married for money with "Drswife". I'm glad you have accomplishments of your OWN to be proud of as you spend all of your husbands money, you trashy gold digger. No one cares that you married a doctor... and no one will be surprised when your husband divorces your cash-mooching ass for a 20-year old nurse. Vanity plates seem like a fat waste of money to me anyway, but if you must get one, lay off the snobbery. Your $60,000 car does talking for you. No need to kick all of us po' folk while we're down.

Slow Walkers

In tying with the theme of my last post, I have clearly
procrastinated in posting again. (Aren't I clever?). Anywho, I am back, with a brand-spankin' new rant. Yay!

Here it goes:

What is with slow walkers? I cannot tell you how many times a week I get stuck behind the world's slowest people. And no, I'm not talking about some octogenarian with a walker or a cane; I'm talking a normal 20-30-or 40-something, that cannot seem to grasp the "talk and walk" strategy. I don't understand this phenomenon. If you are talking on your cell phone, what is it that makes you walk at a snail like pace? If I give you a piece of gum, will you completely stumble all over yourself and die? This is multitasking at its most basic level, folks.

Now I am going to level with you: I am short. I'm only 5'4, which means I have little bitty stumpy legs. So when I can lap you while walking with a normal stride, methinks you are walking too slow. Tell Stacey you can't call her back until you learn how to lift your foot and put it in front of the other to create a propelled movement forward.

Tied in with the blinding disdain I have for these turtle-paced assholes, I also need to mention the loathsome existence of people who walk in large groups. Well, not groups per se, but in a horizontal line of 4-5+ people. Who THEN refuse to move when there is someone walking in the opposite direction. What is this, some sick, twisted game of Red Rover? Be polite and MOVE, shitface. You don't own the sidewalk. Plus, what are you trying to prove walking in a row like that? Are you the Monkees? Cuz you look freakin' ridiculous. I can't wait for the day when the street sweeper accidentally knocks off a flank of your minions and sweeps them into oblivion. That will teach you.

Procrastination

We all do it. Don't even try to lie, you do it too. Procrastination is a serious problem...I have come to the conclusion that my problem with it has escalated to a full on addiction. School just ended (for now), so at least that is out of the way. But I have since found a way to put off pretty much everything else imaginable. For instance, I have needed to get my wisdom teeth removed for...well, pretty much forever, and I finally went and got a consultation in March. Now, it's almost June, and I have yet to make an appointment. I know it needs to be done, but I keep making excuses and putting it off. Why? Beats me. What is it about procrastinating that is so irresistible?
I know plenty of people who are worse procrastinators than me. If you are spending your time reading this blog entry in the middle of the day, you are probably one of them. So I am curious...do we just like to pretend that we are too important and busy to the the things that need to be done, or is it sheer, flat out laziness? In my case, it is more than likely that it is the latter, but I know plenty of Procrastinators (with a capital P) who claim to simply perform better under pressure, so they put things off. Well, I have used that excuse myself, but lately I have come to a realization. How can you claim to work better under pressure and at the last minute if you never try to do things ahead of time? There is no justification for "better" without an instance to compare it to.
All in all, this post really has no point. Essentially all it comes down to is that the whole concept of procrastination baffles me. Who invented it, and why did they make it so damned addictive?

Acceptable Ignorance?

It may just be me, but it seems as though a good chunk of society now considers it "cool" to be a total idiot. And I'm not talking just people doing the dumb things that people always do, I mean legitimately acting like you are a completely uneducated human being. When did it become fashionable to sound stupid? If I am having a conversation with someone who uses the words "funner", "ain't", or "daaaang", and neglects to pluralize words that should be pluralized, then I shall turn and walk away from that person, pitying them. But all of the sudden it appears as though I am in the minority here. I have been paying close attention lately in anticipation of writing this, and I cannot get through an entire day with at least ONE person acting this way.

I know the whole urban dictionary phenomenon is trend now a days, and I also know that I am a very old soul, but what is happening to our generation if it is perceived as okay to be dumb? I don't want my niece and nephew, let alone my future CHILDREN growing up talking like they never graduated second grade. It's embarrassing to even hear these people, because I would be willing to bet that most of them are at least reasonably intelligent. I do live on a college campus, so I would have to assume that the people I encounter at school have some semblance of brain power to use grammatically correct terms and real words. But when I have to endure an entire elevator ride of two people using the word "ax" instead of "asked" or saying "I seen" instead of "I saw/have seen", I have some serious concerns. If (I hope I hope I hope) there are others of you out there who feel the same as I do, I am thinking of starting a movement against Acceptable Ignorance. If I am the only one, then I guess the only solution is for me to go be friends with Britney Spears and accept the fate of the stupidity epidemic.

Selfish

This kind of ties in with my whole "manners" rant, but oh well. When did it become acceptable for people to completely ignore all other members of the human race? The other day, as I was leaving a supermarket, these lame college dudes were sitting at their car eating lunch with all the doors open. I was parked next to them, so as I approached my car I asked them if I could get in. One of the guys said "oh, sorrrrry" in a sarcastic tone, his friend barely moved, and then didn't feel any need to close his car doors as I backed out of my parking spot. So I was forced to maneuver my way around his unnecessarily open car doors just so I could leave and not scratch my vehicle. What the hell is that? Who are these stoner kids who feel so entitled that they don't need to move for another person...let alone a moving vehicle?!
I just have had a hard time lately grappling with this shittastic sense of entitlement. How were these people raised? The same people who will shoulder-swipe you on the sidewalk or in the store, and not even acknowledge that they just gave you whiplash. Or even better, that person then expects YOU to apologize to THEM. Perhaps its just my jaded side talking after years of retail work and seeing the absolute worst in people, but what is happening to the world? Is chivalry really that dead, in all senses? No wonder this world is going to shit, if no one can even muster a minuscule amount of dignity to show respect or even recognition of other human beings. Holier-than-thou you are NOT, dear selfish person. Swallow a reality pill along with your Prozac tomorrow morning.

Spare my Lungs

What is the appeal of cigarettes? Seriously, I am just curious. They provide no high or chemical satisfaction to speak of, unless, of course, you are already addicted to nicotine. I just don't understand the point. Especially as I get older, and am constantly walking behind people on campus just puffing away. Umm, did you not SEE those infomercials when we were kids? What, during your lifetime, possessed you to take up this death wish habit? No one really considers smoking "cool" anymore (like they did in the old glamour days of Hollywood and such). I am just baffled.
Beyond that, here is where my rant comes in. If you so choose to be suicidal and habitually ingest all these carcinogens for absolutely no reason, that's your beef. But see, I''m NOT a total dumb ass, so spare my pristine respiratory system, please. Don't puff your shit in my face and act like it's no big deal. How about I just pour some lighter fluid on your burger then? I choose not to smoke because I don't like it, you need to respect my desire to live and take your rank-ass habit away from my breathing space.
What enrages me more goes beyond my own selfish health needs. People seem to completely disregard the fact that there are people out there with conditions that can be severely worsened by your second hand smoke bullshit. People have asthma, or even allergies to cigarette smoke that can be seriously messed up by your cancer stick. So come on, man. If you think you're super cool for puffing away on your death wish, whatever. But have some consideration. Your tar-encrusted lungs don't own the airspace, so stop contaminating it.

Sad, Caffeinated Sheep

Sigh...I don't even know where to begin on this one. As you may or may not know, I have been employed at Starbucks for the past 3 years (hey man, I'm a student, and it pays the bills). So last night, we had this corporate-wide meeting in which every retail store closed its doors at 5:30 PM to re-train baristas and go back to basics. I am not going to discuss what went on at the meeting, simply because it was completely boring. But anyways...I am thoroughly SICKENED at the fact that this THREE HOUR store closure made national headline news for DAYS. DAYS. Last I checked, we are in the middle of a war. On the brink of a major recession. In the midst of the most significant presidential election in decades. But forget that, forget that people are dying or that crude oil just hit $100 a barrel...WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT MY FRAPPUCCINO?!?
I almost didn't post this, because for a while I was at a loss for words. This clip from Fox and Friends (deathhhh) is a good example of people's sheer idiocy as a whole, but specifically this circumstance. Can we just focus for a second? First off, that woman, who is not even important enough for me to try and know her name, should be roundhouse kicked in the jaw every hour on the hour for the rest of her horse-faced life. Secondly, how is this important news? Are people so mindless and consumer-driven by the prestige of a green logo on a cup of coffee that they are really, LEGITIMATELY upset that they may have to (GASP), go somewhere else? Or, even WORSE, forego their evening fatty drink? I am utterly distraught by people's reactions. It's coffee. It's not THAT good...and that's saying a lot, cuz I freakin' LOVE coffee. You know what's fun? Brewing your own shit at home if your jones is that bad. Or just save yourself the $4.35 for the night...donate to some bum sitting outside that closed Starbucks watching you desperately pull on the door with a look on your face like someone just killed your puppy and ran off with your lover. I say it at least once a day at work, that people are sheep, and this completely saddening display only furthers that notion. Ugh.

Headphones are Fantastic

Since this page has somehow morphed itself into Rants-R-Us, I'm just going to roll with it. This weeks gripe: Why do people insist on listening to their portable music device (iPod, iPhone, Zune, what have you), either with the volume up so loud that everyone in a three mile radius can hear, or on speakers (as with the iPhone). When you're walking down the street, I totally support you wanting some theme music to jam to as you stroll merrily along. But, to be honest, while you may just looooove Beyonce, she's not my cup of tea. So you go right on and listen to her, but DON'T FORCE ME TO. Headphones exist for a reason: to allow someone to listen to his or her choice music in a personal setting, and not disturb others. So, while iHomes are just fabulous, they are not meant to be this century's boombox. There's no need to walk around with your iHome cranked up, running on battery, blasting the new Kanye album, or whatever. Cuz A) a little dinky white speaker system is SO not badass and B) I'm just trying to walk to class, man. I didn't ask for a concert. If I wanted to have myself a listen, I'd go to Borders and check it out. But, I don't. You'd be pissed if someone walked around blasting Yanni or Celine Dion, so what makes your musical choices that much more acceptable? Sorry, dude, I think your music sucks. So turn it down, pop in the ear buds, and get over yourself. Enjoy your blissful musical solitude.

Rules of the Road

I would like someone to explain traffic to me. Like, I really just CANNOT understand how dead-stopped traffic occurs. I get that sometimes, excessive volume causes a slow-down and sometimes a back up...but I just don't understand how traffic ever should actually HALT. Especially since moving to California-sorry people, you SUCK at driving-I have just been baffled at the suckiness of people's abilities to adjust to other drivers on the road. If I can learn and understand it in Driver's Ed at age 15, why do people have such a hard time grasping simple concepts?

Let me clarify myself here, with some examples of the things that piss me off. First off, why must we brake on the highway? That was the first thing I was told when learning how to drive on the highway. DO NOT BRAKE UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. I see sooooo many people use their brake to slow down so they can switch lanes. Are you completely daft? There's a fantastic way to kill people. If you need to switch lanes, you don't slow down to do it. Just keep driving along like a human until there's an opening. And if the person in front of you isn't going as fast as you and you need to slow down, just take your foot OFF the gas before resorting to the brake pedal. If you're cruising at 75, taking your foot off the accelerator will slow you down pretty quickly. Only after that should you slam on the brakes and risk my precious life.

Next...merging. Now, imagine you are a wee child learning how to zipper your coat. Can you picture the little teeth of the zipper? This basic concept is how we MERGE. Every other car. Yes, even you, Mr. Lexus. I don't care how expensive your shit is, you still need to allow other cars on the road. You're not that important. If everyone actually FOLLOWED the "zipper" rule, i.e. every other car, there would be SO MUCH less congestion on the roads. So get over yourself, merge, and we can all get to our final destinations on time and happy....and, you know, alive.

Finally, since we already traveled down memory lane to discover the zipper rule, let's stay in Preschool for second. Remember when they taught you how to be considerate and SHARE your Play-Doh? Well, the road is your Play-Doh, my friend. Just cuz you drive this monstrous Hummer that is slowly destroying the Ozone and takes up 3 lanes at a time, you still don't own the road. That shitty P.O.S Volvo wagon next to you and that bright green VW Bug in front of you are driving somewhere, too. So don't be a jackass and act like you own the highway...you don't. That's right...you're NOT the center of the universe. Now take that in, chew on it, accept it. Don't drive 7 miles an hour talking on your cell phone, don't go 980 miles an hour and weave in and out of everyone "in your way". If you really are in such a rush to get to the Olive Garden, buy yourself a helicopter. Cuz if you drive like a friggin idiot, YOU are going to cause those horrible accidents that make traffic sit at a dead stop for 17 miles. So use your brain, Sparky. If you drive like a sane human being, and everyone around you drives like a sane human being, then traffic will actually MOVE. What a novel idea, huh?

Emily Post is PISSED.

Remember manners? Those were fun, right? I would like to know when that whole "politeness" trend is going to come back. Because really, I've had enough. I cannot tell you how many times over the past week I have held the door open for someone and they don't even say "thanks". Or how many times at work I have asked someone "How are you today?" and gotten the response, "Grande mocha frappuccino with extra whip and caramel sauce." (PS-never work at Starbucks). Seriously, what would your mother say if she knew you didn't even say HELLO to someone who was speaking to you?!?! She'd spank you with a broom and send you to your bed without supper, that's what she'd do!
What makes people think that they are so entitled and just purely awesome-tastic that they are above basic manners? I don't care if you have a Coach purse or drive a Mercedes, you're not above a "Thank you". Sorry, Buster. People who have no consideration for other human beings make me realllllly want to believe that there is some power of fate in this universe. Because basically, if you can't muster up the courage to say "thanks" when I stand there for a solid minute holding the door open for you while you sip a San Pelligrino and talk to Sally on your Iphone, then I sincerely hope that someday you find a jellyfish floating in your drink...and that it so does NOT say sorry when it stings you.

There Should Be A "Pants" Rulebook.

I really wanted to avoid this. Seriously, I did. But I can't hold back anymore. And I'm not a catty, fashion-obsessed girl at all (if you know me, you know that). But no more can I remain silent, so I am just going to throw this out there once and for all:

TIGHT, TRANSLUCENT LEGGINGS DO NOT CONSITITUTE PANTS.

Ok...I said it. Now for rantage. Seriously, I don't care how fit you are...wearing skin tight, fat-sucking nylon is NOT flattering. It's even LESS flattering when you wear a t-shirt over this sausage-casing undergarment and call it an outfit. And then there's the Ugg boots...don't even get me started. I went to lunch with my friend Emily last weekend in downtown and the hostess was wearing a white shirt (slightly dressy), over black leggings with heels. End of outfit. Come on, you're at work. It looks like you forgot to put a skirt on or something. Remember being a kid? Leggings were an worn UNDER things...not as a staple of clothing. I can stand no more walking around watching people's excess...baggage, let's say...bounce around. Cuz that's what happens when you wear leggings, people...you may as well be prancing around naked; all your flubbiness on display for the world to mock. So please, spare my retinas. And have some decency. If all else fails, just repeat this simple mantra to yourself: Pants are your friend.

Pick your battles

There's been a miniature uproar around campus over the past few days, as the University President made the controversial decision to ban all blood drives on campus. Supposedly, the reason for this have to do to the fact that AIDs can take an extended period of time to show up in blood screenings, so blood donated could be tainted without anyone knowing. Since college campuses are known for excessive sexual activity, this increases any risks. But come on, if someone wants to donate bloood (which is a GOOD thing to do), they will do it. And this little glitch can occur at any blood drive location, not just on a college campus... I'm not saying whether I agree or disagree with this plan, but it leads me to question just how are we picking our battles.
Just after reading the headline about this newly enstated policy and pondering over it a bit, I walked in front of the Event Center to see a familiar foe. Since I began attendance at San Jose State, this man seems to never waver. He's Mr. Evangelical-Fire-and-Brimstone-You're-All-Going-To-Burn-In-Hell preacher man. Hi, Dude, this is a college campus. Maybe 3 out of every 282 people that pass your unwanted babbling every day are going to listen, let alone respond. If you find it so necessary to tell people that if you are gay you are condemned to a fiery eternity, a Bay Area university miiiiight not be the place to do it. I have no problem with people who are religious...more power to you. But when someone's fanatacism gets in the way of me living my life, nevermind simply trying to WALK TO CLASS, we have a problem. This man seeks people out and preaches to them about he thinks they should be living, and why they are so wrong in not believing what he believes. Not. Cool.
So, basically, I want to know why we are going to make a decision to ban blood drives on campus, which doesn't necessarily solve the problem at hand, but no one can make some sort of stand to keeping this man from infringing on my personal space. Yeah, I know, Free Speech, First Amendment, blabbity blah. There's a difference between saying "I believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster" and "Oh, I believe in Scientology" and standing in a public place, uninvited, basically berating and belittling passers by. Am I wrong in thinking this? Cuz if this is the way it's going to be, then I'm going to start bringing rotten produce with me and chucking it at this guy when he tells me how much I have sinned. I don't think that's his right, but it's my right to chuck moldy cucumbers at him.

Get with the times

I had to buy yet another textbook today...the last, thank God. For this particular waste of money, I had to go off campus to a print shop to buy it. I got there, waited in line, only to find out that this place does not take credit cards. Now, seriously, this is the year 2008. 2008. Cash is pretty damned close to being obscelete...so WHY, oh why, do places still insist on living in the Dark Ages?

Coffee shops, gas stations, convenient stores (or should I say INconvenient) still insist on this "cash-only" crap. I can all but guarantee that if these places were willing to put forth whatever amount it is to install a credit card system, their business would make it back in no time. This is simply because NO ONE CARRIES CASH ANYMORE. To be totally honest, if I didn't work in a place where I made cash tips every week, I would probably never keep cash on me. I can't be the only one who feels this way. Times they are a-changing. So wake up, crazy credit card-less businesses....wake up and smell the plastic.

So long, so long...

I left home almost a year ago...yet somehow other friends moving away makes me sad, even though I'm not with them anyways. My dear pal Julie (AKA Alice) just left on her crazy Mexican adventure, and is going to be living in Oaxaca for some indefinite amount of time. Alice, since I am almost positive you will find this and read this, have fun, be safe, and beware of those Mexican boys!