Sad, Caffeinated Sheep

Sigh...I don't even know where to begin on this one. As you may or may not know, I have been employed at Starbucks for the past 3 years (hey man, I'm a student, and it pays the bills). So last night, we had this corporate-wide meeting in which every retail store closed its doors at 5:30 PM to re-train baristas and go back to basics. I am not going to discuss what went on at the meeting, simply because it was completely boring. But anyways...I am thoroughly SICKENED at the fact that this THREE HOUR store closure made national headline news for DAYS. DAYS. Last I checked, we are in the middle of a war. On the brink of a major recession. In the midst of the most significant presidential election in decades. But forget that, forget that people are dying or that crude oil just hit $100 a barrel...WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT MY FRAPPUCCINO?!?
I almost didn't post this, because for a while I was at a loss for words. This clip from Fox and Friends (deathhhh) is a good example of people's sheer idiocy as a whole, but specifically this circumstance. Can we just focus for a second? First off, that woman, who is not even important enough for me to try and know her name, should be roundhouse kicked in the jaw every hour on the hour for the rest of her horse-faced life. Secondly, how is this important news? Are people so mindless and consumer-driven by the prestige of a green logo on a cup of coffee that they are really, LEGITIMATELY upset that they may have to (GASP), go somewhere else? Or, even WORSE, forego their evening fatty drink? I am utterly distraught by people's reactions. It's coffee. It's not THAT good...and that's saying a lot, cuz I freakin' LOVE coffee. You know what's fun? Brewing your own shit at home if your jones is that bad. Or just save yourself the $4.35 for the night...donate to some bum sitting outside that closed Starbucks watching you desperately pull on the door with a look on your face like someone just killed your puppy and ran off with your lover. I say it at least once a day at work, that people are sheep, and this completely saddening display only furthers that notion. Ugh.

Headphones are Fantastic

Since this page has somehow morphed itself into Rants-R-Us, I'm just going to roll with it. This weeks gripe: Why do people insist on listening to their portable music device (iPod, iPhone, Zune, what have you), either with the volume up so loud that everyone in a three mile radius can hear, or on speakers (as with the iPhone). When you're walking down the street, I totally support you wanting some theme music to jam to as you stroll merrily along. But, to be honest, while you may just looooove Beyonce, she's not my cup of tea. So you go right on and listen to her, but DON'T FORCE ME TO. Headphones exist for a reason: to allow someone to listen to his or her choice music in a personal setting, and not disturb others. So, while iHomes are just fabulous, they are not meant to be this century's boombox. There's no need to walk around with your iHome cranked up, running on battery, blasting the new Kanye album, or whatever. Cuz A) a little dinky white speaker system is SO not badass and B) I'm just trying to walk to class, man. I didn't ask for a concert. If I wanted to have myself a listen, I'd go to Borders and check it out. But, I don't. You'd be pissed if someone walked around blasting Yanni or Celine Dion, so what makes your musical choices that much more acceptable? Sorry, dude, I think your music sucks. So turn it down, pop in the ear buds, and get over yourself. Enjoy your blissful musical solitude.

Rules of the Road

I would like someone to explain traffic to me. Like, I really just CANNOT understand how dead-stopped traffic occurs. I get that sometimes, excessive volume causes a slow-down and sometimes a back up...but I just don't understand how traffic ever should actually HALT. Especially since moving to California-sorry people, you SUCK at driving-I have just been baffled at the suckiness of people's abilities to adjust to other drivers on the road. If I can learn and understand it in Driver's Ed at age 15, why do people have such a hard time grasping simple concepts?

Let me clarify myself here, with some examples of the things that piss me off. First off, why must we brake on the highway? That was the first thing I was told when learning how to drive on the highway. DO NOT BRAKE UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. I see sooooo many people use their brake to slow down so they can switch lanes. Are you completely daft? There's a fantastic way to kill people. If you need to switch lanes, you don't slow down to do it. Just keep driving along like a human until there's an opening. And if the person in front of you isn't going as fast as you and you need to slow down, just take your foot OFF the gas before resorting to the brake pedal. If you're cruising at 75, taking your foot off the accelerator will slow you down pretty quickly. Only after that should you slam on the brakes and risk my precious life.

Next...merging. Now, imagine you are a wee child learning how to zipper your coat. Can you picture the little teeth of the zipper? This basic concept is how we MERGE. Every other car. Yes, even you, Mr. Lexus. I don't care how expensive your shit is, you still need to allow other cars on the road. You're not that important. If everyone actually FOLLOWED the "zipper" rule, i.e. every other car, there would be SO MUCH less congestion on the roads. So get over yourself, merge, and we can all get to our final destinations on time and happy....and, you know, alive.

Finally, since we already traveled down memory lane to discover the zipper rule, let's stay in Preschool for second. Remember when they taught you how to be considerate and SHARE your Play-Doh? Well, the road is your Play-Doh, my friend. Just cuz you drive this monstrous Hummer that is slowly destroying the Ozone and takes up 3 lanes at a time, you still don't own the road. That shitty P.O.S Volvo wagon next to you and that bright green VW Bug in front of you are driving somewhere, too. So don't be a jackass and act like you own the highway...you don't. That's right...you're NOT the center of the universe. Now take that in, chew on it, accept it. Don't drive 7 miles an hour talking on your cell phone, don't go 980 miles an hour and weave in and out of everyone "in your way". If you really are in such a rush to get to the Olive Garden, buy yourself a helicopter. Cuz if you drive like a friggin idiot, YOU are going to cause those horrible accidents that make traffic sit at a dead stop for 17 miles. So use your brain, Sparky. If you drive like a sane human being, and everyone around you drives like a sane human being, then traffic will actually MOVE. What a novel idea, huh?

Emily Post is PISSED.

Remember manners? Those were fun, right? I would like to know when that whole "politeness" trend is going to come back. Because really, I've had enough. I cannot tell you how many times over the past week I have held the door open for someone and they don't even say "thanks". Or how many times at work I have asked someone "How are you today?" and gotten the response, "Grande mocha frappuccino with extra whip and caramel sauce." (PS-never work at Starbucks). Seriously, what would your mother say if she knew you didn't even say HELLO to someone who was speaking to you?!?! She'd spank you with a broom and send you to your bed without supper, that's what she'd do!
What makes people think that they are so entitled and just purely awesome-tastic that they are above basic manners? I don't care if you have a Coach purse or drive a Mercedes, you're not above a "Thank you". Sorry, Buster. People who have no consideration for other human beings make me realllllly want to believe that there is some power of fate in this universe. Because basically, if you can't muster up the courage to say "thanks" when I stand there for a solid minute holding the door open for you while you sip a San Pelligrino and talk to Sally on your Iphone, then I sincerely hope that someday you find a jellyfish floating in your drink...and that it so does NOT say sorry when it stings you.

There Should Be A "Pants" Rulebook.

I really wanted to avoid this. Seriously, I did. But I can't hold back anymore. And I'm not a catty, fashion-obsessed girl at all (if you know me, you know that). But no more can I remain silent, so I am just going to throw this out there once and for all:

TIGHT, TRANSLUCENT LEGGINGS DO NOT CONSITITUTE PANTS.

Ok...I said it. Now for rantage. Seriously, I don't care how fit you are...wearing skin tight, fat-sucking nylon is NOT flattering. It's even LESS flattering when you wear a t-shirt over this sausage-casing undergarment and call it an outfit. And then there's the Ugg boots...don't even get me started. I went to lunch with my friend Emily last weekend in downtown and the hostess was wearing a white shirt (slightly dressy), over black leggings with heels. End of outfit. Come on, you're at work. It looks like you forgot to put a skirt on or something. Remember being a kid? Leggings were an worn UNDER things...not as a staple of clothing. I can stand no more walking around watching people's excess...baggage, let's say...bounce around. Cuz that's what happens when you wear leggings, people...you may as well be prancing around naked; all your flubbiness on display for the world to mock. So please, spare my retinas. And have some decency. If all else fails, just repeat this simple mantra to yourself: Pants are your friend.

Pick your battles

There's been a miniature uproar around campus over the past few days, as the University President made the controversial decision to ban all blood drives on campus. Supposedly, the reason for this have to do to the fact that AIDs can take an extended period of time to show up in blood screenings, so blood donated could be tainted without anyone knowing. Since college campuses are known for excessive sexual activity, this increases any risks. But come on, if someone wants to donate bloood (which is a GOOD thing to do), they will do it. And this little glitch can occur at any blood drive location, not just on a college campus... I'm not saying whether I agree or disagree with this plan, but it leads me to question just how are we picking our battles.
Just after reading the headline about this newly enstated policy and pondering over it a bit, I walked in front of the Event Center to see a familiar foe. Since I began attendance at San Jose State, this man seems to never waver. He's Mr. Evangelical-Fire-and-Brimstone-You're-All-Going-To-Burn-In-Hell preacher man. Hi, Dude, this is a college campus. Maybe 3 out of every 282 people that pass your unwanted babbling every day are going to listen, let alone respond. If you find it so necessary to tell people that if you are gay you are condemned to a fiery eternity, a Bay Area university miiiiight not be the place to do it. I have no problem with people who are religious...more power to you. But when someone's fanatacism gets in the way of me living my life, nevermind simply trying to WALK TO CLASS, we have a problem. This man seeks people out and preaches to them about he thinks they should be living, and why they are so wrong in not believing what he believes. Not. Cool.
So, basically, I want to know why we are going to make a decision to ban blood drives on campus, which doesn't necessarily solve the problem at hand, but no one can make some sort of stand to keeping this man from infringing on my personal space. Yeah, I know, Free Speech, First Amendment, blabbity blah. There's a difference between saying "I believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster" and "Oh, I believe in Scientology" and standing in a public place, uninvited, basically berating and belittling passers by. Am I wrong in thinking this? Cuz if this is the way it's going to be, then I'm going to start bringing rotten produce with me and chucking it at this guy when he tells me how much I have sinned. I don't think that's his right, but it's my right to chuck moldy cucumbers at him.

Get with the times

I had to buy yet another textbook today...the last, thank God. For this particular waste of money, I had to go off campus to a print shop to buy it. I got there, waited in line, only to find out that this place does not take credit cards. Now, seriously, this is the year 2008. 2008. Cash is pretty damned close to being obscelete...so WHY, oh why, do places still insist on living in the Dark Ages?

Coffee shops, gas stations, convenient stores (or should I say INconvenient) still insist on this "cash-only" crap. I can all but guarantee that if these places were willing to put forth whatever amount it is to install a credit card system, their business would make it back in no time. This is simply because NO ONE CARRIES CASH ANYMORE. To be totally honest, if I didn't work in a place where I made cash tips every week, I would probably never keep cash on me. I can't be the only one who feels this way. Times they are a-changing. So wake up, crazy credit card-less businesses....wake up and smell the plastic.