I would like someone to explain traffic to me. Like, I really just CANNOT understand how dead-stopped traffic occurs. I get that sometimes, excessive volume causes a slow-down and sometimes a back up...but I just don't understand how traffic ever should actually HALT. Especially since moving to California-sorry people, you SUCK at driving-I have just been baffled at the suckiness of people's abilities to adjust to other drivers on the road. If I can learn and understand it in Driver's Ed at age 15, why do people have such a hard time grasping simple concepts?
Let me clarify myself here, with some examples of the things that piss me off. First off, why must we brake on the highway? That was the first thing I was told when learning how to drive on the highway. DO NOT BRAKE UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. I see sooooo many people use their brake to slow down so they can switch lanes. Are you completely daft? There's a fantastic way to kill people. If you need to switch lanes, you don't slow down to do it. Just keep driving along like a human until there's an opening. And if the person in front of you isn't going as fast as you and you need to slow down, just take your foot OFF the gas before resorting to the brake pedal. If you're cruising at 75, taking your foot off the accelerator will slow you down pretty quickly. Only after that should you slam on the brakes and risk my precious life.
Next...merging. Now, imagine you are a wee child learning how to zipper your coat. Can you picture the little teeth of the zipper? This basic concept is how we MERGE. Every other car. Yes, even you, Mr. Lexus. I don't care how expensive your shit is, you still need to allow other cars on the road. You're not that important. If everyone actually FOLLOWED the "zipper" rule, i.e. every other car, there would be SO MUCH less congestion on the roads. So get over yourself, merge, and we can all get to our final destinations on time and happy....and, you know, alive.
Finally, since we already traveled down memory lane to discover the zipper rule, let's stay in Preschool for second. Remember when they taught you how to be considerate and SHARE your Play-Doh? Well, the road is your Play-Doh, my friend. Just cuz you drive this monstrous Hummer that is slowly destroying the Ozone and takes up 3 lanes at a time, you still don't own the road. That shitty P.O.S Volvo wagon next to you and that bright green VW Bug in front of you are driving somewhere, too. So don't be a jackass and act like you own the highway...you don't. That's right...you're NOT the center of the universe. Now take that in, chew on it, accept it. Don't drive 7 miles an hour talking on your cell phone, don't go 980 miles an hour and weave in and out of everyone "in your way". If you really are in such a rush to get to the Olive Garden, buy yourself a helicopter. Cuz if you drive like a friggin idiot, YOU are going to cause those horrible accidents that make traffic sit at a dead stop for 17 miles. So use your brain, Sparky. If you drive like a sane human being, and everyone around you drives like a sane human being, then traffic will actually MOVE. What a novel idea, huh?
Let me clarify myself here, with some examples of the things that piss me off. First off, why must we brake on the highway? That was the first thing I was told when learning how to drive on the highway. DO NOT BRAKE UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. I see sooooo many people use their brake to slow down so they can switch lanes. Are you completely daft? There's a fantastic way to kill people. If you need to switch lanes, you don't slow down to do it. Just keep driving along like a human until there's an opening. And if the person in front of you isn't going as fast as you and you need to slow down, just take your foot OFF the gas before resorting to the brake pedal. If you're cruising at 75, taking your foot off the accelerator will slow you down pretty quickly. Only after that should you slam on the brakes and risk my precious life.
Next...merging. Now, imagine you are a wee child learning how to zipper your coat. Can you picture the little teeth of the zipper? This basic concept is how we MERGE. Every other car. Yes, even you, Mr. Lexus. I don't care how expensive your shit is, you still need to allow other cars on the road. You're not that important. If everyone actually FOLLOWED the "zipper" rule, i.e. every other car, there would be SO MUCH less congestion on the roads. So get over yourself, merge, and we can all get to our final destinations on time and happy....and, you know, alive.
Finally, since we already traveled down memory lane to discover the zipper rule, let's stay in Preschool for second. Remember when they taught you how to be considerate and SHARE your Play-Doh? Well, the road is your Play-Doh, my friend. Just cuz you drive this monstrous Hummer that is slowly destroying the Ozone and takes up 3 lanes at a time, you still don't own the road. That shitty P.O.S Volvo wagon next to you and that bright green VW Bug in front of you are driving somewhere, too. So don't be a jackass and act like you own the highway...you don't. That's right...you're NOT the center of the universe. Now take that in, chew on it, accept it. Don't drive 7 miles an hour talking on your cell phone, don't go 980 miles an hour and weave in and out of everyone "in your way". If you really are in such a rush to get to the Olive Garden, buy yourself a helicopter. Cuz if you drive like a friggin idiot, YOU are going to cause those horrible accidents that make traffic sit at a dead stop for 17 miles. So use your brain, Sparky. If you drive like a sane human being, and everyone around you drives like a sane human being, then traffic will actually MOVE. What a novel idea, huh?
3 comments:
I really just CANNOT understand how dead-stopped traffic occurs (with the exception of accidents...that I get).
Picture a big stretch of road. Picture it perfectly filled with cars moving happily at the speed limit. Now add on-ramps and off-ramps to the mix. Suddenly, even if people understood the zipper, the right lane is going to slow down as people merge in. One lane slowing down probably means they're all going to slow down as eventually people need to get to the right. Now picture some terrible road design, where one off-ramp regularly backs up onto the highway because of a light that is too short at the end of the ramp (which is pretty much like, every other exit in cities). So now you have STOPPED traffic backing up onto the highway in the right lane. You can see where this is going.
Yes, I know that. But, Big Brother, if people weren't so STUPID, there could surely be a way to prevent sitting in a parking lot that should be moving at 65 MPH. Things happen, but let's not ignore the fact that people are to blame for a lot of it.
1. Lots or rubber neckers
2. If you think California is bad, don't even think about commuting during peak hours in Hawaii.
Lol.
Funny picture by the way.
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