Slow Walkers

In tying with the theme of my last post, I have clearly
procrastinated in posting again. (Aren't I clever?). Anywho, I am back, with a brand-spankin' new rant. Yay!

Here it goes:

What is with slow walkers? I cannot tell you how many times a week I get stuck behind the world's slowest people. And no, I'm not talking about some octogenarian with a walker or a cane; I'm talking a normal 20-30-or 40-something, that cannot seem to grasp the "talk and walk" strategy. I don't understand this phenomenon. If you are talking on your cell phone, what is it that makes you walk at a snail like pace? If I give you a piece of gum, will you completely stumble all over yourself and die? This is multitasking at its most basic level, folks.

Now I am going to level with you: I am short. I'm only 5'4, which means I have little bitty stumpy legs. So when I can lap you while walking with a normal stride, methinks you are walking too slow. Tell Stacey you can't call her back until you learn how to lift your foot and put it in front of the other to create a propelled movement forward.

Tied in with the blinding disdain I have for these turtle-paced assholes, I also need to mention the loathsome existence of people who walk in large groups. Well, not groups per se, but in a horizontal line of 4-5+ people. Who THEN refuse to move when there is someone walking in the opposite direction. What is this, some sick, twisted game of Red Rover? Be polite and MOVE, shitface. You don't own the sidewalk. Plus, what are you trying to prove walking in a row like that? Are you the Monkees? Cuz you look freakin' ridiculous. I can't wait for the day when the street sweeper accidentally knocks off a flank of your minions and sweeps them into oblivion. That will teach you.

Procrastination

We all do it. Don't even try to lie, you do it too. Procrastination is a serious problem...I have come to the conclusion that my problem with it has escalated to a full on addiction. School just ended (for now), so at least that is out of the way. But I have since found a way to put off pretty much everything else imaginable. For instance, I have needed to get my wisdom teeth removed for...well, pretty much forever, and I finally went and got a consultation in March. Now, it's almost June, and I have yet to make an appointment. I know it needs to be done, but I keep making excuses and putting it off. Why? Beats me. What is it about procrastinating that is so irresistible?
I know plenty of people who are worse procrastinators than me. If you are spending your time reading this blog entry in the middle of the day, you are probably one of them. So I am curious...do we just like to pretend that we are too important and busy to the the things that need to be done, or is it sheer, flat out laziness? In my case, it is more than likely that it is the latter, but I know plenty of Procrastinators (with a capital P) who claim to simply perform better under pressure, so they put things off. Well, I have used that excuse myself, but lately I have come to a realization. How can you claim to work better under pressure and at the last minute if you never try to do things ahead of time? There is no justification for "better" without an instance to compare it to.
All in all, this post really has no point. Essentially all it comes down to is that the whole concept of procrastination baffles me. Who invented it, and why did they make it so damned addictive?

Acceptable Ignorance?

It may just be me, but it seems as though a good chunk of society now considers it "cool" to be a total idiot. And I'm not talking just people doing the dumb things that people always do, I mean legitimately acting like you are a completely uneducated human being. When did it become fashionable to sound stupid? If I am having a conversation with someone who uses the words "funner", "ain't", or "daaaang", and neglects to pluralize words that should be pluralized, then I shall turn and walk away from that person, pitying them. But all of the sudden it appears as though I am in the minority here. I have been paying close attention lately in anticipation of writing this, and I cannot get through an entire day with at least ONE person acting this way.

I know the whole urban dictionary phenomenon is trend now a days, and I also know that I am a very old soul, but what is happening to our generation if it is perceived as okay to be dumb? I don't want my niece and nephew, let alone my future CHILDREN growing up talking like they never graduated second grade. It's embarrassing to even hear these people, because I would be willing to bet that most of them are at least reasonably intelligent. I do live on a college campus, so I would have to assume that the people I encounter at school have some semblance of brain power to use grammatically correct terms and real words. But when I have to endure an entire elevator ride of two people using the word "ax" instead of "asked" or saying "I seen" instead of "I saw/have seen", I have some serious concerns. If (I hope I hope I hope) there are others of you out there who feel the same as I do, I am thinking of starting a movement against Acceptable Ignorance. If I am the only one, then I guess the only solution is for me to go be friends with Britney Spears and accept the fate of the stupidity epidemic.

Selfish

This kind of ties in with my whole "manners" rant, but oh well. When did it become acceptable for people to completely ignore all other members of the human race? The other day, as I was leaving a supermarket, these lame college dudes were sitting at their car eating lunch with all the doors open. I was parked next to them, so as I approached my car I asked them if I could get in. One of the guys said "oh, sorrrrry" in a sarcastic tone, his friend barely moved, and then didn't feel any need to close his car doors as I backed out of my parking spot. So I was forced to maneuver my way around his unnecessarily open car doors just so I could leave and not scratch my vehicle. What the hell is that? Who are these stoner kids who feel so entitled that they don't need to move for another person...let alone a moving vehicle?!
I just have had a hard time lately grappling with this shittastic sense of entitlement. How were these people raised? The same people who will shoulder-swipe you on the sidewalk or in the store, and not even acknowledge that they just gave you whiplash. Or even better, that person then expects YOU to apologize to THEM. Perhaps its just my jaded side talking after years of retail work and seeing the absolute worst in people, but what is happening to the world? Is chivalry really that dead, in all senses? No wonder this world is going to shit, if no one can even muster a minuscule amount of dignity to show respect or even recognition of other human beings. Holier-than-thou you are NOT, dear selfish person. Swallow a reality pill along with your Prozac tomorrow morning.

Spare my Lungs

What is the appeal of cigarettes? Seriously, I am just curious. They provide no high or chemical satisfaction to speak of, unless, of course, you are already addicted to nicotine. I just don't understand the point. Especially as I get older, and am constantly walking behind people on campus just puffing away. Umm, did you not SEE those infomercials when we were kids? What, during your lifetime, possessed you to take up this death wish habit? No one really considers smoking "cool" anymore (like they did in the old glamour days of Hollywood and such). I am just baffled.
Beyond that, here is where my rant comes in. If you so choose to be suicidal and habitually ingest all these carcinogens for absolutely no reason, that's your beef. But see, I''m NOT a total dumb ass, so spare my pristine respiratory system, please. Don't puff your shit in my face and act like it's no big deal. How about I just pour some lighter fluid on your burger then? I choose not to smoke because I don't like it, you need to respect my desire to live and take your rank-ass habit away from my breathing space.
What enrages me more goes beyond my own selfish health needs. People seem to completely disregard the fact that there are people out there with conditions that can be severely worsened by your second hand smoke bullshit. People have asthma, or even allergies to cigarette smoke that can be seriously messed up by your cancer stick. So come on, man. If you think you're super cool for puffing away on your death wish, whatever. But have some consideration. Your tar-encrusted lungs don't own the airspace, so stop contaminating it.

Sad, Caffeinated Sheep

Sigh...I don't even know where to begin on this one. As you may or may not know, I have been employed at Starbucks for the past 3 years (hey man, I'm a student, and it pays the bills). So last night, we had this corporate-wide meeting in which every retail store closed its doors at 5:30 PM to re-train baristas and go back to basics. I am not going to discuss what went on at the meeting, simply because it was completely boring. But anyways...I am thoroughly SICKENED at the fact that this THREE HOUR store closure made national headline news for DAYS. DAYS. Last I checked, we are in the middle of a war. On the brink of a major recession. In the midst of the most significant presidential election in decades. But forget that, forget that people are dying or that crude oil just hit $100 a barrel...WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT MY FRAPPUCCINO?!?
I almost didn't post this, because for a while I was at a loss for words. This clip from Fox and Friends (deathhhh) is a good example of people's sheer idiocy as a whole, but specifically this circumstance. Can we just focus for a second? First off, that woman, who is not even important enough for me to try and know her name, should be roundhouse kicked in the jaw every hour on the hour for the rest of her horse-faced life. Secondly, how is this important news? Are people so mindless and consumer-driven by the prestige of a green logo on a cup of coffee that they are really, LEGITIMATELY upset that they may have to (GASP), go somewhere else? Or, even WORSE, forego their evening fatty drink? I am utterly distraught by people's reactions. It's coffee. It's not THAT good...and that's saying a lot, cuz I freakin' LOVE coffee. You know what's fun? Brewing your own shit at home if your jones is that bad. Or just save yourself the $4.35 for the night...donate to some bum sitting outside that closed Starbucks watching you desperately pull on the door with a look on your face like someone just killed your puppy and ran off with your lover. I say it at least once a day at work, that people are sheep, and this completely saddening display only furthers that notion. Ugh.

Headphones are Fantastic

Since this page has somehow morphed itself into Rants-R-Us, I'm just going to roll with it. This weeks gripe: Why do people insist on listening to their portable music device (iPod, iPhone, Zune, what have you), either with the volume up so loud that everyone in a three mile radius can hear, or on speakers (as with the iPhone). When you're walking down the street, I totally support you wanting some theme music to jam to as you stroll merrily along. But, to be honest, while you may just looooove Beyonce, she's not my cup of tea. So you go right on and listen to her, but DON'T FORCE ME TO. Headphones exist for a reason: to allow someone to listen to his or her choice music in a personal setting, and not disturb others. So, while iHomes are just fabulous, they are not meant to be this century's boombox. There's no need to walk around with your iHome cranked up, running on battery, blasting the new Kanye album, or whatever. Cuz A) a little dinky white speaker system is SO not badass and B) I'm just trying to walk to class, man. I didn't ask for a concert. If I wanted to have myself a listen, I'd go to Borders and check it out. But, I don't. You'd be pissed if someone walked around blasting Yanni or Celine Dion, so what makes your musical choices that much more acceptable? Sorry, dude, I think your music sucks. So turn it down, pop in the ear buds, and get over yourself. Enjoy your blissful musical solitude.