The Only Thing Handicapped is Your Sense of Decency

This rant goes beyond just "stuff that bugs me". This one is more of an attack on those people who couldn't care less about any other human being on the planet but themselves. Carly Simon is singin' about you, pal, and so am I.

I have officially become disgusted with people who think that it is okay to park in handicapped parking spots, or park in front of fire hydrants, or use the handicap button on the doors when they are not, in fact, disabled. How hard is it to push a door open? Really? Or take the extra seven damned steps from your car to the McDonald's door? No wonder this country is overwhelmingly obese; everyone is not only eating deep-fried crap on a bun, but they can't even muster the strength to walk 10 feet from their car.

I have friends who are disabled, and they have seemed to accept the fact that people suck enough to park in Handicap designated spots, thus hindering them, the people with ACTUAL physical impairments, and making their lives even more difficult. When I asked my one friend what she thought about this, she just sighed and said, "It happens." What the hell? "it happens"? It should NOT happen. It should NOT be okay for people to screw over someone who is confined to a wheelchair, or an old lady with a cane, or anyone else with a valid disability just for their own selfish assfaceness. It seems like people don't even get tickets for this stuff anymore. Yes, great idea-let's enable these inconsiderate jerks who are too lazy and close minded to care that they are having a direct and negative effect on someone else. It all just contributes to the self-righteousness of pricks everywhere.

And lastly, while not quite the same, or as rage-inducing as the handicap spot parkers, are those who are dumb enough to park your car in front of fire hydrants. What if there were ACTUALLY a fire which needed that hydrant? And no, putting your hazard lights on does not give you a free pass to park there...or anywhere, really. Red zone+ fire hydrant=don't park here, buddy. Granted, everyone knows that some idiot's car parked in the way of a hydrant won't stop the fireman from busting the windows of your car to get to it, but how stupid ARE you? For one thing, that's a big ass fine if you get ticketed. For another...why? You are putting your car at risk, first of all, because they WILL destroy it in order to attach a hose and put out that fire. And, again, you're putting your own unwillingness to walk another few feet from your car to your destination above the fact that someone might possibly DIE while waiting for water to put out their house fire. All because you were too lazy to walk from a further parking spot. Nice.

So, to sum it all up, I leave you with this:
If you happen to be one of these blockheads I mentioned above, I hope you rot in hell. Have a nice day.

Photo found at: www.simplysignsco.com/inc/sdetail/312

Your car is still a piece of crap.

Where I come from, we call crappy, dilapidated cars "beaters". Apparently, in CA, they are known as "hoopdies". Whatever you call it, this rant is for all you drivers of cars nearing death, who still try to "pimp your ride".
If you drive around an 86 Buick with a missing bumper, a rusty paint job, and more dents than Ray Liotta's face, do you REALLY think that adding 20 inch rims is going to make your car look hot? No, dumb ass, it makes the shit level of your car INCREASE. Because 1) Gigantic rims are the dumbest thing ever. Sure, SOMETIMES they look good...on NICE, new cars. But they are a stupid investment. They're expensive, and you go through all sort of trouble and then if you hit one bad bump on the freeway...they're done for. Stupid. And 2) Adding something expensive looking to something that looks like it drove through LA during the street riots, then took a salt bath, then was used as a toy in the lion pen at the Zoo, just draws attention to your cars flaws. It's like a really, really ugly person dying their hair platinum blond. It'll catch your eye, but then you look further and it will burn your retinas with its grotesque-ness. So add flashy trinkets to your "beater" all you want...it's STILL a dilapidated piece of crapola.

And while we're on this topic, if you ARE one of the lucky few people out there who can afford to have a really nice vehicle, why do you feel the need to get a vanity plate telling the world what kind of car you drive? I can see that you are driving a BMW, Mr. Arrogant Ass, I do not need to read your license plate that says "MyBeemr" to figure that out. OR, even better, Ms. Stuck Up Snob, who needs to let us know that she only married for money with "Drswife". I'm glad you have accomplishments of your OWN to be proud of as you spend all of your husbands money, you trashy gold digger. No one cares that you married a doctor... and no one will be surprised when your husband divorces your cash-mooching ass for a 20-year old nurse. Vanity plates seem like a fat waste of money to me anyway, but if you must get one, lay off the snobbery. Your $60,000 car does talking for you. No need to kick all of us po' folk while we're down.

Slow Walkers

In tying with the theme of my last post, I have clearly
procrastinated in posting again. (Aren't I clever?). Anywho, I am back, with a brand-spankin' new rant. Yay!

Here it goes:

What is with slow walkers? I cannot tell you how many times a week I get stuck behind the world's slowest people. And no, I'm not talking about some octogenarian with a walker or a cane; I'm talking a normal 20-30-or 40-something, that cannot seem to grasp the "talk and walk" strategy. I don't understand this phenomenon. If you are talking on your cell phone, what is it that makes you walk at a snail like pace? If I give you a piece of gum, will you completely stumble all over yourself and die? This is multitasking at its most basic level, folks.

Now I am going to level with you: I am short. I'm only 5'4, which means I have little bitty stumpy legs. So when I can lap you while walking with a normal stride, methinks you are walking too slow. Tell Stacey you can't call her back until you learn how to lift your foot and put it in front of the other to create a propelled movement forward.

Tied in with the blinding disdain I have for these turtle-paced assholes, I also need to mention the loathsome existence of people who walk in large groups. Well, not groups per se, but in a horizontal line of 4-5+ people. Who THEN refuse to move when there is someone walking in the opposite direction. What is this, some sick, twisted game of Red Rover? Be polite and MOVE, shitface. You don't own the sidewalk. Plus, what are you trying to prove walking in a row like that? Are you the Monkees? Cuz you look freakin' ridiculous. I can't wait for the day when the street sweeper accidentally knocks off a flank of your minions and sweeps them into oblivion. That will teach you.

Procrastination

We all do it. Don't even try to lie, you do it too. Procrastination is a serious problem...I have come to the conclusion that my problem with it has escalated to a full on addiction. School just ended (for now), so at least that is out of the way. But I have since found a way to put off pretty much everything else imaginable. For instance, I have needed to get my wisdom teeth removed for...well, pretty much forever, and I finally went and got a consultation in March. Now, it's almost June, and I have yet to make an appointment. I know it needs to be done, but I keep making excuses and putting it off. Why? Beats me. What is it about procrastinating that is so irresistible?
I know plenty of people who are worse procrastinators than me. If you are spending your time reading this blog entry in the middle of the day, you are probably one of them. So I am curious...do we just like to pretend that we are too important and busy to the the things that need to be done, or is it sheer, flat out laziness? In my case, it is more than likely that it is the latter, but I know plenty of Procrastinators (with a capital P) who claim to simply perform better under pressure, so they put things off. Well, I have used that excuse myself, but lately I have come to a realization. How can you claim to work better under pressure and at the last minute if you never try to do things ahead of time? There is no justification for "better" without an instance to compare it to.
All in all, this post really has no point. Essentially all it comes down to is that the whole concept of procrastination baffles me. Who invented it, and why did they make it so damned addictive?

Acceptable Ignorance?

It may just be me, but it seems as though a good chunk of society now considers it "cool" to be a total idiot. And I'm not talking just people doing the dumb things that people always do, I mean legitimately acting like you are a completely uneducated human being. When did it become fashionable to sound stupid? If I am having a conversation with someone who uses the words "funner", "ain't", or "daaaang", and neglects to pluralize words that should be pluralized, then I shall turn and walk away from that person, pitying them. But all of the sudden it appears as though I am in the minority here. I have been paying close attention lately in anticipation of writing this, and I cannot get through an entire day with at least ONE person acting this way.

I know the whole urban dictionary phenomenon is trend now a days, and I also know that I am a very old soul, but what is happening to our generation if it is perceived as okay to be dumb? I don't want my niece and nephew, let alone my future CHILDREN growing up talking like they never graduated second grade. It's embarrassing to even hear these people, because I would be willing to bet that most of them are at least reasonably intelligent. I do live on a college campus, so I would have to assume that the people I encounter at school have some semblance of brain power to use grammatically correct terms and real words. But when I have to endure an entire elevator ride of two people using the word "ax" instead of "asked" or saying "I seen" instead of "I saw/have seen", I have some serious concerns. If (I hope I hope I hope) there are others of you out there who feel the same as I do, I am thinking of starting a movement against Acceptable Ignorance. If I am the only one, then I guess the only solution is for me to go be friends with Britney Spears and accept the fate of the stupidity epidemic.

Selfish

This kind of ties in with my whole "manners" rant, but oh well. When did it become acceptable for people to completely ignore all other members of the human race? The other day, as I was leaving a supermarket, these lame college dudes were sitting at their car eating lunch with all the doors open. I was parked next to them, so as I approached my car I asked them if I could get in. One of the guys said "oh, sorrrrry" in a sarcastic tone, his friend barely moved, and then didn't feel any need to close his car doors as I backed out of my parking spot. So I was forced to maneuver my way around his unnecessarily open car doors just so I could leave and not scratch my vehicle. What the hell is that? Who are these stoner kids who feel so entitled that they don't need to move for another person...let alone a moving vehicle?!
I just have had a hard time lately grappling with this shittastic sense of entitlement. How were these people raised? The same people who will shoulder-swipe you on the sidewalk or in the store, and not even acknowledge that they just gave you whiplash. Or even better, that person then expects YOU to apologize to THEM. Perhaps its just my jaded side talking after years of retail work and seeing the absolute worst in people, but what is happening to the world? Is chivalry really that dead, in all senses? No wonder this world is going to shit, if no one can even muster a minuscule amount of dignity to show respect or even recognition of other human beings. Holier-than-thou you are NOT, dear selfish person. Swallow a reality pill along with your Prozac tomorrow morning.

Spare my Lungs

What is the appeal of cigarettes? Seriously, I am just curious. They provide no high or chemical satisfaction to speak of, unless, of course, you are already addicted to nicotine. I just don't understand the point. Especially as I get older, and am constantly walking behind people on campus just puffing away. Umm, did you not SEE those infomercials when we were kids? What, during your lifetime, possessed you to take up this death wish habit? No one really considers smoking "cool" anymore (like they did in the old glamour days of Hollywood and such). I am just baffled.
Beyond that, here is where my rant comes in. If you so choose to be suicidal and habitually ingest all these carcinogens for absolutely no reason, that's your beef. But see, I''m NOT a total dumb ass, so spare my pristine respiratory system, please. Don't puff your shit in my face and act like it's no big deal. How about I just pour some lighter fluid on your burger then? I choose not to smoke because I don't like it, you need to respect my desire to live and take your rank-ass habit away from my breathing space.
What enrages me more goes beyond my own selfish health needs. People seem to completely disregard the fact that there are people out there with conditions that can be severely worsened by your second hand smoke bullshit. People have asthma, or even allergies to cigarette smoke that can be seriously messed up by your cancer stick. So come on, man. If you think you're super cool for puffing away on your death wish, whatever. But have some consideration. Your tar-encrusted lungs don't own the airspace, so stop contaminating it.